( He looks up, startled, blinking away unshed tears. It's so unexpected that it shocks a little bit of life back into them. Here he is, telling Lan Xichen that he is the nightmare of the Jianghu and then -. )

Hnngh.

( Stupid, he's so stupid. )

You -. ( He reaches out a hand to curl it in Lan Xichen's sleeve, shaking him a little. Hysteria bubbles up in the back of his throat again and he has to swallow it down. ) You're the first person I've wanted to be my friend without a reason before. I really --. ( He cares. It's all so stupid. Maybe in another life he might have tried to mould it into another shape, but in this one he's just so desperately glad. ) I really don't want to lose that.