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eastbound inbox.
inbox for the mirror pendant of 'Average Sighren'.
“Please leave your message and I will attend it as soon as possible.”
“Please leave your message and I will attend it as soon as possible.”
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( His nose scrunches a little, thoughtful. )
My first time was with a woman almost twice my age. I couldn't afford anyone else and I wanted it - done, I suppose? I wanted to choose it. It felt very important at the time, to be rid of my virginity.
( He'd been young, and growing into something prettier than he should have been. Sneaking out had made sense, he doesn't sound even remotely ashamed of it. )
She was nice, matronly. I didn't know what to do with any part of my body and she didn't make me feel bad about that. I didn't know what I liked back then, or that women weren't really for me, and it was awkward and a little silly and I thought afterwards that I didn't know what the fuss was about. But it didn't change anything, I wasn't different. I was still me. So even if you choose to and it's not what you think it doesn't have to mean anything, mm?
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Xichen strokes his friend's hair as Wen Kexing opens up. ]
I imagined it would be special, I waited for a-Yao for years but nothing ever happened. Now ... I don't care as much, it won't mean what it was going to, either way.
I know I want a man.
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( It's a good distraction, Wen Kexing has never actually felt shame on this specific topic of conversation and it very clearly shows. The brutal vicious murder? Yes. The sleeping around half of China? No. )
Would you be opposed to paying? I know you treat the whores well, so I know you don't see them as anything lesser, but you might still want it to happen organically.
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[ It makes no difference to him if money makes the other person happier about the situation. ]
Only ... I want them to want to be there. [ His cheeks feel so warm. ] Someone kind and patient, with a sweet demeanour. Bright eyes. But, not someone physically weak who won't be able to, ah. Keep up.
[ Yes, his cheeks are definitely on fire. ]
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( He reaches up to prod at Lan Xichen's cheek, feeling a little silly. It's better than the alternative though, and so he doesn't mind. )
Aiya, Lan Huan, I don't think you'll find it hard to find someone willing to warm your bed. If I asked I'm sure there'd be a long line of people trailing halfway out the taverns. ( Waving that hand. ) Don't worry, don't worry, I'll be subtle. I do know how to be.
( Sometimes. )
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My brother can't know about this, it would not go down well. I would be breaking a dozen rules.
[ That finger prodding his cheek gets scooped up and bitten. ]
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Behave.
( And then -. ) I won't tell your brother, because he'd probably behead me for saying the rules are stupid. ( Half-hearted, Lan Wangji was kind to him after all. He might have to deal with that at some point. ) It's not his business either way.
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[ Wangji has him on a pedestal, he knows, but there's always going to be a deep crack in it where Xichen wanted to believe in Jin Guangyao. Not wanting to bring the mood down again, he snatches the bitten hand back and drops a brief, apologetic kiss to its knuckles. ]
I always behave, didn't you know?
[ Snerk. ]
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( What crime was it? Loving someone. It's easy to be mistaken when the heart burns so bright. )
Mm. And I'm a bodhisattva. ( Except, they both know now that he is not. He blinks, sudden, repeatedly, lets out a sigh again, closing his eyes more fully so he can't see. ) I think you deserve happiness. Anyone who knows you should see that.
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[ A brief kiss finds the inside of a wrist like a silent Thank You, soft and tender, skirting blue veins before he tucks that hand back with Wen Kexing. He gives him a pat on the shoulder, rubbing his back to help him relax. ]
Who will fight all my battles for me when I go home? I shall have to conscript the wild rabbits.
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( A mild grumble, because he knows Lan Xichen sees things differently than he does. He doesn't think he'll be as offended as Lan Wangji was with the fish though. )
I'll make you a list of retorts before you go, so if anyone ever says anything bad you have them already compiled. You can strike the fear of me in Gusu too, that's only fitting.
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[ He tugs on a strand of Wen Kexing's hair, amused. ]
Perhaps, if I cultivate into immortality, I can finally travel the world and find you in it. That's more than enough incentive for me to try.
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( And then, a yawn, splitting his face in two before he covers it with the palm of his hand. )
Aiya, I'm an old man.
( Or maybe the days are catching up on him. )
I should go to bed. I should certainly stop taking up all your time.
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[ His expansive sleeve covers Wen Kexing where he lies on Xichen's lap, a hand stroking his hair. There is nothing that will get close to him as he sleeps, ghost or not, while Xichen is sitting his vigil in the same room; especially not with Wen Kexing on his lap. ]
Get some rest, a-Xing. I'll stay right here.
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( It's probably a bad idea. He's been more prone to nightmares these days, he doesn't always know where he is when he first wakes. But, he imagines Lan Xichen is more than capable, and sleep is already tugging at him beneath the ache of his thoughts and the slow slumbering of his veins. He's so tired.
Perhaps just for a little while then. )