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eastbound inbox.
inbox for the mirror pendant of 'Average Sighren'.
“Please leave your message and I will attend it as soon as possible.”
“Please leave your message and I will attend it as soon as possible.”
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You wouldn't. You turn all your hurt inward.
( He makes a miserable noise, a choke of sound, palm flattening so he can scrub at his eyes. )
You shouldn't want to be around me. I'm telling you that I'm the villain in my story and you still sit there trying to make me feel better. Surely that should show you I'm not as kind as you.
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[ It's galling to be seen that way, sparking a kernel of anger he didn't expect to feel today. Is he a sweet creature so easily led? He hates that view of himself more than anything, annoyed that Wen Kexing thinks he's too simple to recognise what evil really is. ]
I loved a-Yao for nearly half my life. I do not love you the same way! You did not seduce me with your sweet humours, Wen Kexing, I have been on high alert since my heart was broken and the silence of a mountain was my retreat from all the liars in the world. That sanctuary was abruptly taken away but not the people who could lie. I chose you as a friend, well aware that I could see the eaves of crimes around you! You may as well have been stood atop that mountain peak; no one else has been scrutinised as hard by me in my terror of inviting in another monster.
[ His voice is soft but clipped with frustration. ]
I am ignorant of nothing when it comes to you! What kind of friend would I be if I were? How condescending I find your opinion of me. If I were Zhou Zishu, you would surely listen then! I can certainly say that much in confidence.
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( He wants to drink, he wants to sleep, he wants to go back to a time where the Ghost Valley loomed less, softened by time and distance. He finds himself suddenly terrified that Lan Xichen will listen to him and react accordingly. )
I meant that you are not like me, Huan-er. You blame yourself, and I blame the world. I don't think you're a fool. It would be easier if I thought you were, or I had been trying to pull the wool over your eyes. But I've never looked at you and taken you for an easy mark, that's not what I meant. It's just you're good, and I'm --.
( He is everything he hates. )
I think I'm so clever. That I can take the most shrewd of people and have them believe me harmless. Ah-Xu doesn't even know who I am!
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[ Sighing, he shakes his head. ]
Has it ever occurred to you that Zhou Zishu knows you're hardly as carefree as you like to pretend and he simply sees the good in you anyway? Is that so hard to believe? I have never met the man and I feel like you sell his insight short.
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( It's different, isn't it?
Except it is not. Lan Xichen might have his own version of Zhen Yan somewhere, the same way Wen Kexing has Chengling. It's just that tries to think about calling the man before him evil and it makes something claw at his throat. There has to be a difference, he cannot be absolved.
And so he laughs instead, exhausted, desperate. )
I'm a very good actor, are you telling me I'm not?
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[ Shaking his head, he admits something he never intended to ever bring up yet it feels like Wen Kexing has sacrificed enough face today. The scale is uneven. ]
Mine must be truly refined, since you don't know how soft a bruise it is on my heart to be genuinely glad you already found your zhiji.
[ But that crush has since melted into real friendship. He only mentions it tiredly, with a snort, to try and give Wen Kexing a foothold out of his misery by dangling new information to latch onto. ]
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Hnngh.
( Stupid, he's so stupid. )
You -. ( He reaches out a hand to curl it in Lan Xichen's sleeve, shaking him a little. Hysteria bubbles up in the back of his throat again and he has to swallow it down. ) You're the first person I've wanted to be my friend without a reason before. I really --. ( He cares. It's all so stupid. Maybe in another life he might have tried to mould it into another shape, but in this one he's just so desperately glad. ) I really don't want to lose that.
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[ He uses his other sleeve to wipe away some of the tears streaking Wen Kexing's cheeks. Looks like his truth nugget knocked Wen Kexing somewhere closer to normal, shaken and upset though he remains. ]
No old Ghost Valley master will find you again. He's dead and gone, his shade will fall before Shuoyue if it tries: I promise.
[ Face somewhat dry on Wen Kexing, Xichen starts smoothing down fluffy, flustered hair, more to let him feel a caring human touch than neaten up any mess. ]
Look at this robe. All red? I was right that pink suits you more. Won't you change to feel better?
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I'll change.
( The red often feels constricting, and he's suddenly itchy with the need to be out of it. )
Will you stay for a while?
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[ He pats him on the knee and heads to his wardrobe, helping himself as he browses for something simple in cotton. Not a nightrobe so Wen Kexing feels underdressed but appropriate to nap in.
(Because Wen Kexing needs one.) ]
Here, let's get you sorted.
[ Light blue and grey. ]
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Thankfully, he doesn't attempt to further undress right in front of him, instead choosing to duck behind the screen in the corner of his room. It's with a lot of banging and vague cursing that he changes, at one point Wen Kexing kicks off a boot and it goes thudding out of reach, the Ghost Valley Master muttering a helpless why as it does. He's not entirely put together when he steps back out, the layers are a little clumsily thrown on, and he's forgone the boots, silent in his socked feet. He doesn't exactly look like a scourge, but well, looks can be deceiving. )
Better?
( He thinks it's a little better. )
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Miles better. You could be one of my sect.
[ Xichen's deft fingers gently pluck those robes into a more comfortable position on his friend's shoulders, then a hand in the small of Wen Kexing's back nudges him toward the little area Xichen has made for him to crash in. ]
I'll sit with you awhile, like I promised. If you want to eat then it would do you good to have something inside your stomach to soak up the wine. Or we can just talk.
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( He's feeling a little more like himself if he's able to tease, though there's a decided air of fragility still, like a house left shuddering after a flood. He ends up on the cushions, the prospect of food wrinkling his nose a little. The water though, that he reaches for, clumsily filling a cup and then holding it in his two hands like a child. )
I'd have been kicked out within months, Sect Leader Lan. ( A tired grin, toothy. ) Even forgetting my various crimes, the lechery alone would have gotten me thrown from your mountain.
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[ He sinks down in a puff of rich fabrics, smoothing them out and setting a cushion on his lap with an inviting pat-pat, sleeves pushed aside to make room for anyone who might want to flop his way. Seeing Wen Kexing drinking water is a reassuring sight. ]
Besides, lechery toward whom? You've never acted like that in front of me. [ Not seriously, anyway. Xichen can take a joke, unlike Wangji. ] You're heartsick because of the level of your devotion, from what I've seen.
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I've slept with world famous courtesans.
( Mumbled, slightly stubborn. )
I'd sneak out and visit all the best brothels. I was well-known. ( But Lan Xichen is right, that part of him has been more than a little subdued these days. ) Don't be fooled.
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[ Amused, he starts brushing his fingers through Wen Kexing's hair to detangle the knots, draping his sleeves on him like a blanket. ]
Certainly you couldn't do that in Cloud Recesses. Curfew is from nine at night until five in the morning, you would also have to scale half the mountain and however many miles to the nearest town to find company. Caiyi Town at the base is only fisherfolk.
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( It's half-hearted at best, a play at being a scoundrel. The fingers in his hair are soothing, joining the rush of his intoxicated blood. He closes his eyes without meaning to, willing to just speak aimlessly. )
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[ His chuckle is deep and fond, giving a lock of hair a little tug. ]
I get it, you're a philandering rake. I'm terribly jealous of all these liaisons, you've cut me where it hurts.
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Please, as if you couldn't be sleeping your way around Ephes right now. Master Lan, more than half the men and women in the brothels would pay you for the pleasure of your time. Do you know how hard it is to get anyone to concentrate after you've visited?
( There's a lot of swooning. Wen Kexing would have been one of them, not so long ago. But his heart is elsewhere. It doesn't mean he wouldn't want what's best for Lan Xichen though. )
Say the word and I'll start vetting people.
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[ His answer may not be the type that Wen Kexing expects, thoughtful and slow. ]
I have been thinking ... perhaps, once, before I focus more on my cultivation ... [ Hesitating to say it, he chuckles at his own reticence. ] I might sleep with someone.
Just for the experience, of course. I don't intend to marry.
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If you want to then you should, but only if you want to. People get too caught up in the idea sometimes. ( Says, notable famed slut Wen Kexing, but he also thinks it's important for Lan Xichen to know that it isn't as insurmountable as all that. ) There's nothing wrong with not fucking, the same way I don't think a person should be judged for sleeping with anyone that takes their fancy.
( Easily. ) It doesn't have to be anything but what you want it to be.
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[ He feels deficient, snorting as he tickles Wen Kexing's nose with the man's own hair. ]
You're very sweet for saying so. I'm simply not accustomed to being bottom of the class.
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( His nose scrunches a little, thoughtful. )
My first time was with a woman almost twice my age. I couldn't afford anyone else and I wanted it - done, I suppose? I wanted to choose it. It felt very important at the time, to be rid of my virginity.
( He'd been young, and growing into something prettier than he should have been. Sneaking out had made sense, he doesn't sound even remotely ashamed of it. )
She was nice, matronly. I didn't know what to do with any part of my body and she didn't make me feel bad about that. I didn't know what I liked back then, or that women weren't really for me, and it was awkward and a little silly and I thought afterwards that I didn't know what the fuss was about. But it didn't change anything, I wasn't different. I was still me. So even if you choose to and it's not what you think it doesn't have to mean anything, mm?
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Xichen strokes his friend's hair as Wen Kexing opens up. ]
I imagined it would be special, I waited for a-Yao for years but nothing ever happened. Now ... I don't care as much, it won't mean what it was going to, either way.
I know I want a man.
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( It's a good distraction, Wen Kexing has never actually felt shame on this specific topic of conversation and it very clearly shows. The brutal vicious murder? Yes. The sleeping around half of China? No. )
Would you be opposed to paying? I know you treat the whores well, so I know you don't see them as anything lesser, but you might still want it to happen organically.
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