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I'm the Ghost Valley Master now.

( It's a little like pulling a sword from his stomach, the fear gushing out like blood. )

I'm the thing that people are scared of, I'm the story you tell silly little disciples in the dead of night. Grow big, get strong, or the Ghost Valley Master will spirit you away in the dead of the night. The Jianghu made the Valley to keep the worst of the worst inside, Huan-er, and I'm the one holding the keys. Chengling doesn't have parents, doesn't have brothers, because I was so blinded by the need for my vengeance that I let them all out. I didn't care. I wanted --.

I wanted people to suffer.

( Miserably. )

I made him an orphan because someone did the same to me. I might not have been the one holding the blade but I knew, I knew what I was unleashing. I am mad, they're right, I can't pretend otherwise.

You have been hiding this since we met, afraid to tell me.

[ He sits back, hands in his lap as he regards him steadily. ]

Am I to gasp and look upon you with horror, learning you caged monsters and now regret your unhappiness leading to their freedom? That is what this sounds like.

I let them out because I wanted my revenge.

( Maybe it would be different if he had only honest intentions, but Wen Kexing had been aware of the violence in the Valley and had hoped to use it. He cannot be absolved. )

My parents died because of greed, the Ghost Valley only dealt the final blow. I wanted all those righteous, upstanding sects to be afraid, I wanted them to look at the monsters they'd hidden and know they were still there in the shadows. Those men that prospered while my father was broken, and my mother slain, I wanted to wash the world in their blood. I still do.

( Then, with a crack in his voice. ) And I hate it. Because now I want to be human, I want it so badly that I think it might kill me, some days. I don't know how to be. I've only ever been good for pain.

I am sorry for the suffering of your family. Truly, I am.

[ Remaining upright where he sits, his voice nevertheless softens. ]

Who would not seek revenge in your shoes, if it was within reach? How many people are that strong? [ Unable not to be touching him, he lays a hand over Wen Kexing's as he speaks in earnest, dark blue eyes intent on holding that dejected gaze. ] Not knowing the Ghost Valley master does not detract from my trust in Wen Kexing, I am not scared to awaken some demon inside you or to face your wrath. Is my friendship worth less because you have not burdened me with some great injustice to overcome? Must you hurt me too before you listen to me?

( Wen Kexing pulls himself from Lan Xichen's grip, covers his face with both of his hands, fingers clenched. He doesn't claw at the skin, doesn't dig his grip in, no matter what the maelstrom in his veins would like. Instead he just breathes behind the cage of them, ragged and uneven. )

You wouldn't. You turn all your hurt inward.

( He makes a miserable noise, a choke of sound, palm flattening so he can scrub at his eyes. )

You shouldn't want to be around me. I'm telling you that I'm the villain in my story and you still sit there trying to make me feel better. Surely that should show you I'm not as kind as you.

I do not turn all my hurt inward! Am I such a fool as that?

[ It's galling to be seen that way, sparking a kernel of anger he didn't expect to feel today. Is he a sweet creature so easily led? He hates that view of himself more than anything, annoyed that Wen Kexing thinks he's too simple to recognise what evil really is. ]

I loved a-Yao for nearly half my life. I do not love you the same way! You did not seduce me with your sweet humours, Wen Kexing, I have been on high alert since my heart was broken and the silence of a mountain was my retreat from all the liars in the world. That sanctuary was abruptly taken away but not the people who could lie. I chose you as a friend, well aware that I could see the eaves of crimes around you! You may as well have been stood atop that mountain peak; no one else has been scrutinised as hard by me in my terror of inviting in another monster.

[ His voice is soft but clipped with frustration. ]

I am ignorant of nothing when it comes to you! What kind of friend would I be if I were? How condescending I find your opinion of me. If I were Zhou Zishu, you would surely listen then! I can certainly say that much in confidence.

No, I do not mean you are a fool. That's not what I -. ( He cuts himself off, shudders through a breath, shaking his head. ) - See, I've hurt you now.

( He wants to drink, he wants to sleep, he wants to go back to a time where the Ghost Valley loomed less, softened by time and distance. He finds himself suddenly terrified that Lan Xichen will listen to him and react accordingly. )

I meant that you are not like me, Huan-er. You blame yourself, and I blame the world. I don't think you're a fool. It would be easier if I thought you were, or I had been trying to pull the wool over your eyes. But I've never looked at you and taken you for an easy mark, that's not what I meant. It's just you're good, and I'm --.

( He is everything he hates. )

I think I'm so clever. That I can take the most shrewd of people and have them believe me harmless. Ah-Xu doesn't even know who I am!

How am I good? You have no idea how many orphans I have likely made in the name of winning a war. I was the darling of the Sunshot Campaign, I could not be stopped! What is "good"? A flawless soul? A generous one who makes excuses for others? I am neither.

[ Sighing, he shakes his head. ]

Has it ever occurred to you that Zhou Zishu knows you're hardly as carefree as you like to pretend and he simply sees the good in you anyway? Is that so hard to believe? I have never met the man and I feel like you sell his insight short.

It --.

( It's different, isn't it?

Except it is not. Lan Xichen might have his own version of Zhen Yan somewhere, the same way Wen Kexing has Chengling. It's just that tries to think about calling the man before him evil and it makes something claw at his throat. There has to be a difference, he cannot be absolved.

And so he laughs instead, exhausted, desperate. )

I'm a very good actor, are you telling me I'm not?

You're not that good, a-Xing.

[ Shaking his head, he admits something he never intended to ever bring up yet it feels like Wen Kexing has sacrificed enough face today. The scale is uneven. ]

Mine must be truly refined, since you don't know how soft a bruise it is on my heart to be genuinely glad you already found your zhiji.

[ But that crush has since melted into real friendship. He only mentions it tiredly, with a snort, to try and give Wen Kexing a foothold out of his misery by dangling new information to latch onto. ]

( He looks up, startled, blinking away unshed tears. It's so unexpected that it shocks a little bit of life back into them. Here he is, telling Lan Xichen that he is the nightmare of the Jianghu and then -. )

Hnngh.

( Stupid, he's so stupid. )

You -. ( He reaches out a hand to curl it in Lan Xichen's sleeve, shaking him a little. Hysteria bubbles up in the back of his throat again and he has to swallow it down. ) You're the first person I've wanted to be my friend without a reason before. I really --. ( He cares. It's all so stupid. Maybe in another life he might have tried to mould it into another shape, but in this one he's just so desperately glad. ) I really don't want to lose that.

How many times will I tell you? You will never lose me.

[ He uses his other sleeve to wipe away some of the tears streaking Wen Kexing's cheeks. Looks like his truth nugget knocked Wen Kexing somewhere closer to normal, shaken and upset though he remains. ]

No old Ghost Valley master will find you again. He's dead and gone, his shade will fall before Shuoyue if it tries: I promise.

[ Face somewhat dry on Wen Kexing, Xichen starts smoothing down fluffy, flustered hair, more to let him feel a caring human touch than neaten up any mess. ]

Look at this robe. All red? I was right that pink suits you more. Won't you change to feel better?

( He closes his eyes against the gentle touch, breathing more slowly than before. There's still fear but it feels a little further away now, the wound still sore but somewhat cauterised. Lan Xichen knows, and he's still here. Maybe it means something, maybe Wen Kexing isn't truly lost. )

I'll change.

( The red often feels constricting, and he's suddenly itchy with the need to be out of it. )

Will you stay for a while?

I fully intend to, yes. Let's find you something lighter to sleep in, hm? I know you have something, I bought it for you.

[ He pats him on the knee and heads to his wardrobe, helping himself as he browses for something simple in cotton. Not a nightrobe so Wen Kexing feels underdressed but appropriate to nap in.

(Because Wen Kexing needs one.) ]

Here, let's get you sorted.

[ Light blue and grey. ]

( He rises to his feet, still clumsy with drink and exhaustion, wobbling as he immediately, instinctively shrugs out the top layer, throwing it aside in a heap. Maybe he'll be back to his usual fussy, fastidious self once he's rested, but for right now he's too muddled for anything close to it. The belt goes too, and he sways over to Lan Xichen like a little spinning top, taking the robe with slow-blinking obedience.

Thankfully, he doesn't attempt to further undress right in front of him, instead choosing to duck behind the screen in the corner of his room. It's with a lot of banging and vague cursing that he changes, at one point Wen Kexing kicks off a boot and it goes thudding out of reach, the Ghost Valley Master muttering a helpless why as it does. He's not entirely put together when he steps back out, the layers are a little clumsily thrown on, and he's forgone the boots, silent in his socked feet. He doesn't exactly look like a scourge, but well, looks can be deceiving. )

Better?

( He thinks it's a little better. )

[ Xichen takes the time to order a cold meal of ham, cheese and bread (with water) from the concerned girls outside, setting it on the coffee table before making a little nest of pillows on the chaise longue. The flying boot catches his eye and he bestows a soft, fond smile on Wen Kexing who emerges looking like he truly fought his way into those robes. ]

Miles better. You could be one of my sect.

[ Xichen's deft fingers gently pluck those robes into a more comfortable position on his friend's shoulders, then a hand in the small of Wen Kexing's back nudges him toward the little area Xichen has made for him to crash in. ]

I'll sit with you awhile, like I promised. If you want to eat then it would do you good to have something inside your stomach to soak up the wine. Or we can just talk.

With your endless rules?

( He's feeling a little more like himself if he's able to tease, though there's a decided air of fragility still, like a house left shuddering after a flood. He ends up on the cushions, the prospect of food wrinkling his nose a little. The water though, that he reaches for, clumsily filling a cup and then holding it in his two hands like a child. )

I'd have been kicked out within months, Sect Leader Lan. ( A tired grin, toothy. ) Even forgetting my various crimes, the lechery alone would have gotten me thrown from your mountain.

Only if my shufu caught you. I am sect leader, after all.

[ He sinks down in a puff of rich fabrics, smoothing them out and setting a cushion on his lap with an inviting pat-pat, sleeves pushed aside to make room for anyone who might want to flop his way. Seeing Wen Kexing drinking water is a reassuring sight. ]

Besides, lechery toward whom? You've never acted like that in front of me. [ Not seriously, anyway. Xichen can take a joke, unlike Wangji. ] You're heartsick because of the level of your devotion, from what I've seen.

( The water is tossed back like it is wine, cup set down with a thunk, Wen Kexing taking to that little pat like a cat, squirming sideways so that he can rest his head on the cushion. Maybe people do this all the time, who knows? He doesn't have friendships to frame it off and besides, there isn't any motive underneath. His friend is kind, he can allow himself the comfort offered. )

I've slept with world famous courtesans.

( Mumbled, slightly stubborn. )

I'd sneak out and visit all the best brothels. I was well-known. ( But Lan Xichen is right, that part of him has been more than a little subdued these days. ) Don't be fooled.

How impressive.

[ Amused, he starts brushing his fingers through Wen Kexing's hair to detangle the knots, draping his sleeves on him like a blanket. ]

Certainly you couldn't do that in Cloud Recesses. Curfew is from nine at night until five in the morning, you would also have to scale half the mountain and however many miles to the nearest town to find company. Caiyi Town at the base is only fisherfolk.

If I could drag my way from the Valley to find company I could surely pluck a pretty flower from your fishermen. They're usually well muscled, aren't they? All the lifting.

( It's half-hearted at best, a play at being a scoundrel. The fingers in his hair are soothing, joining the rush of his intoxicated blood. He closes his eyes without meaning to, willing to just speak aimlessly. )

I don't think the smell would be much to your liking after the cleanliness of Cloud Recesses.

[ His chuckle is deep and fond, giving a lock of hair a little tug. ]

I get it, you're a philandering rake. I'm terribly jealous of all these liaisons, you've cut me where it hurts.

Edited 2023-10-19 14:01 (UTC)

( A mild grumble at the tug. )

Please, as if you couldn't be sleeping your way around Ephes right now. Master Lan, more than half the men and women in the brothels would pay you for the pleasure of your time. Do you know how hard it is to get anyone to concentrate after you've visited?

( There's a lot of swooning. Wen Kexing would have been one of them, not so long ago. But his heart is elsewhere. It doesn't mean he wouldn't want what's best for Lan Xichen though. )

Say the word and I'll start vetting people.

Mmm. Back home I would spend all my summers with my sworn brothers, time with them was what I prioritised above marriage proposals.

[ His answer may not be the type that Wen Kexing expects, thoughtful and slow. ]

I have been thinking ... perhaps, once, before I focus more on my cultivation ... [ Hesitating to say it, he chuckles at his own reticence. ] I might sleep with someone.

Just for the experience, of course. I don't intend to marry.

( That has him rolling onto his back, peering up at Lan Xichen with narrow hawk-eyed attention. Maybe he should be sober for this conversation, or at least sitting upright. But he finds it's easier to talk to him like this right now, half obscured, gazing at his chin. )

If you want to then you should, but only if you want to. People get too caught up in the idea sometimes. ( Says, notable famed slut Wen Kexing, but he also thinks it's important for Lan Xichen to know that it isn't as insurmountable as all that. ) There's nothing wrong with not fucking, the same way I don't think a person should be judged for sleeping with anyone that takes their fancy.

( Easily. ) It doesn't have to be anything but what you want it to be.

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