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eastbound inbox.
inbox for the mirror pendant of 'Average Sighren'.
“Please leave your message and I will attend it as soon as possible.”
“Please leave your message and I will attend it as soon as possible.”
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[ That bottle is going to be subtly scooped aside and set on the floor. Xichen takes him by a hand in his lap and rubs Wen Kexing on the arm as if to sober him up that way. ]
It doesn't matter if you are human or not, you are not a monster. Do you think I would be your friend if you truly were? I would have known long before now.
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( He laughs, and it's hollow, ringing in the room. Something ugly creeps into his voice, face twisted in loathing. The hand in Lan Xichen's lap curls like his fingers would be claws if he knew how. )
I killed him, the Valley Master, I killed him. ( And then, a burst dam. ) I tore the flesh from his bones, inch by inch. I kept him alive for most of it, because I wanted him to hurt. He always told me I liked pain, and so I proved that I did by inflicting it on him. I threw his flesh to the monsters he made and had his skeleton left at the walls as a reminder.
( Desperate, and a little mad, and oh so sad in a way that seems to dwarf him. )
They call me Lunatic Wen for a reason. There's something wrong in me.
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I was fooled for a decade once before, there is no chance of my having made the same mistake. I am trusting but not a fool, Wen Kexing. If you were evil, I would know it.
[ His hand falls to Wen Kexing's front, curling in his robes. ]
You are not him.
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( It's a little like pulling a sword from his stomach, the fear gushing out like blood. )
I'm the thing that people are scared of, I'm the story you tell silly little disciples in the dead of night. Grow big, get strong, or the Ghost Valley Master will spirit you away in the dead of the night. The Jianghu made the Valley to keep the worst of the worst inside, Huan-er, and I'm the one holding the keys. Chengling doesn't have parents, doesn't have brothers, because I was so blinded by the need for my vengeance that I let them all out. I didn't care. I wanted --.
I wanted people to suffer.
( Miserably. )
I made him an orphan because someone did the same to me. I might not have been the one holding the blade but I knew, I knew what I was unleashing. I am mad, they're right, I can't pretend otherwise.
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[ He sits back, hands in his lap as he regards him steadily. ]
Am I to gasp and look upon you with horror, learning you caged monsters and now regret your unhappiness leading to their freedom? That is what this sounds like.
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( Maybe it would be different if he had only honest intentions, but Wen Kexing had been aware of the violence in the Valley and had hoped to use it. He cannot be absolved. )
My parents died because of greed, the Ghost Valley only dealt the final blow. I wanted all those righteous, upstanding sects to be afraid, I wanted them to look at the monsters they'd hidden and know they were still there in the shadows. Those men that prospered while my father was broken, and my mother slain, I wanted to wash the world in their blood. I still do.
( Then, with a crack in his voice. ) And I hate it. Because now I want to be human, I want it so badly that I think it might kill me, some days. I don't know how to be. I've only ever been good for pain.
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[ Remaining upright where he sits, his voice nevertheless softens. ]
Who would not seek revenge in your shoes, if it was within reach? How many people are that strong? [ Unable not to be touching him, he lays a hand over Wen Kexing's as he speaks in earnest, dark blue eyes intent on holding that dejected gaze. ] Not knowing the Ghost Valley master does not detract from my trust in Wen Kexing, I am not scared to awaken some demon inside you or to face your wrath. Is my friendship worth less because you have not burdened me with some great injustice to overcome? Must you hurt me too before you listen to me?
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You wouldn't. You turn all your hurt inward.
( He makes a miserable noise, a choke of sound, palm flattening so he can scrub at his eyes. )
You shouldn't want to be around me. I'm telling you that I'm the villain in my story and you still sit there trying to make me feel better. Surely that should show you I'm not as kind as you.
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[ It's galling to be seen that way, sparking a kernel of anger he didn't expect to feel today. Is he a sweet creature so easily led? He hates that view of himself more than anything, annoyed that Wen Kexing thinks he's too simple to recognise what evil really is. ]
I loved a-Yao for nearly half my life. I do not love you the same way! You did not seduce me with your sweet humours, Wen Kexing, I have been on high alert since my heart was broken and the silence of a mountain was my retreat from all the liars in the world. That sanctuary was abruptly taken away but not the people who could lie. I chose you as a friend, well aware that I could see the eaves of crimes around you! You may as well have been stood atop that mountain peak; no one else has been scrutinised as hard by me in my terror of inviting in another monster.
[ His voice is soft but clipped with frustration. ]
I am ignorant of nothing when it comes to you! What kind of friend would I be if I were? How condescending I find your opinion of me. If I were Zhou Zishu, you would surely listen then! I can certainly say that much in confidence.
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( He wants to drink, he wants to sleep, he wants to go back to a time where the Ghost Valley loomed less, softened by time and distance. He finds himself suddenly terrified that Lan Xichen will listen to him and react accordingly. )
I meant that you are not like me, Huan-er. You blame yourself, and I blame the world. I don't think you're a fool. It would be easier if I thought you were, or I had been trying to pull the wool over your eyes. But I've never looked at you and taken you for an easy mark, that's not what I meant. It's just you're good, and I'm --.
( He is everything he hates. )
I think I'm so clever. That I can take the most shrewd of people and have them believe me harmless. Ah-Xu doesn't even know who I am!
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[ Sighing, he shakes his head. ]
Has it ever occurred to you that Zhou Zishu knows you're hardly as carefree as you like to pretend and he simply sees the good in you anyway? Is that so hard to believe? I have never met the man and I feel like you sell his insight short.
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( It's different, isn't it?
Except it is not. Lan Xichen might have his own version of Zhen Yan somewhere, the same way Wen Kexing has Chengling. It's just that tries to think about calling the man before him evil and it makes something claw at his throat. There has to be a difference, he cannot be absolved.
And so he laughs instead, exhausted, desperate. )
I'm a very good actor, are you telling me I'm not?
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[ Shaking his head, he admits something he never intended to ever bring up yet it feels like Wen Kexing has sacrificed enough face today. The scale is uneven. ]
Mine must be truly refined, since you don't know how soft a bruise it is on my heart to be genuinely glad you already found your zhiji.
[ But that crush has since melted into real friendship. He only mentions it tiredly, with a snort, to try and give Wen Kexing a foothold out of his misery by dangling new information to latch onto. ]
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Hnngh.
( Stupid, he's so stupid. )
You -. ( He reaches out a hand to curl it in Lan Xichen's sleeve, shaking him a little. Hysteria bubbles up in the back of his throat again and he has to swallow it down. ) You're the first person I've wanted to be my friend without a reason before. I really --. ( He cares. It's all so stupid. Maybe in another life he might have tried to mould it into another shape, but in this one he's just so desperately glad. ) I really don't want to lose that.
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[ He uses his other sleeve to wipe away some of the tears streaking Wen Kexing's cheeks. Looks like his truth nugget knocked Wen Kexing somewhere closer to normal, shaken and upset though he remains. ]
No old Ghost Valley master will find you again. He's dead and gone, his shade will fall before Shuoyue if it tries: I promise.
[ Face somewhat dry on Wen Kexing, Xichen starts smoothing down fluffy, flustered hair, more to let him feel a caring human touch than neaten up any mess. ]
Look at this robe. All red? I was right that pink suits you more. Won't you change to feel better?
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I'll change.
( The red often feels constricting, and he's suddenly itchy with the need to be out of it. )
Will you stay for a while?
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[ He pats him on the knee and heads to his wardrobe, helping himself as he browses for something simple in cotton. Not a nightrobe so Wen Kexing feels underdressed but appropriate to nap in.
(Because Wen Kexing needs one.) ]
Here, let's get you sorted.
[ Light blue and grey. ]
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Thankfully, he doesn't attempt to further undress right in front of him, instead choosing to duck behind the screen in the corner of his room. It's with a lot of banging and vague cursing that he changes, at one point Wen Kexing kicks off a boot and it goes thudding out of reach, the Ghost Valley Master muttering a helpless why as it does. He's not entirely put together when he steps back out, the layers are a little clumsily thrown on, and he's forgone the boots, silent in his socked feet. He doesn't exactly look like a scourge, but well, looks can be deceiving. )
Better?
( He thinks it's a little better. )
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Miles better. You could be one of my sect.
[ Xichen's deft fingers gently pluck those robes into a more comfortable position on his friend's shoulders, then a hand in the small of Wen Kexing's back nudges him toward the little area Xichen has made for him to crash in. ]
I'll sit with you awhile, like I promised. If you want to eat then it would do you good to have something inside your stomach to soak up the wine. Or we can just talk.
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( He's feeling a little more like himself if he's able to tease, though there's a decided air of fragility still, like a house left shuddering after a flood. He ends up on the cushions, the prospect of food wrinkling his nose a little. The water though, that he reaches for, clumsily filling a cup and then holding it in his two hands like a child. )
I'd have been kicked out within months, Sect Leader Lan. ( A tired grin, toothy. ) Even forgetting my various crimes, the lechery alone would have gotten me thrown from your mountain.
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[ He sinks down in a puff of rich fabrics, smoothing them out and setting a cushion on his lap with an inviting pat-pat, sleeves pushed aside to make room for anyone who might want to flop his way. Seeing Wen Kexing drinking water is a reassuring sight. ]
Besides, lechery toward whom? You've never acted like that in front of me. [ Not seriously, anyway. Xichen can take a joke, unlike Wangji. ] You're heartsick because of the level of your devotion, from what I've seen.
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I've slept with world famous courtesans.
( Mumbled, slightly stubborn. )
I'd sneak out and visit all the best brothels. I was well-known. ( But Lan Xichen is right, that part of him has been more than a little subdued these days. ) Don't be fooled.
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[ Amused, he starts brushing his fingers through Wen Kexing's hair to detangle the knots, draping his sleeves on him like a blanket. ]
Certainly you couldn't do that in Cloud Recesses. Curfew is from nine at night until five in the morning, you would also have to scale half the mountain and however many miles to the nearest town to find company. Caiyi Town at the base is only fisherfolk.
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( It's half-hearted at best, a play at being a scoundrel. The fingers in his hair are soothing, joining the rush of his intoxicated blood. He closes his eyes without meaning to, willing to just speak aimlessly. )
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[ His chuckle is deep and fond, giving a lock of hair a little tug. ]
I get it, you're a philandering rake. I'm terribly jealous of all these liaisons, you've cut me where it hurts.
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